Jan 3, 2016

Dear James,

There aren’t words enough in the universe to tell you how much Daddy and I will miss you. There aren’t enough words to tell you how proud of you we are – how hard you fought and how – at the end – you let us know that you were ready to go.

You were a glowing light in the world. You showed so many people what unconditional love is – because we loved you unconditionally. In 5 short months, you had more love than some people have in a lifetime. I firmly believe that you only saw the good of this world, felt the light and prayers of thousands of people shining on you, and you decided that it was enough for you – you could go.

I was very scared when we got your diagnosis. I was scared of the lifelong commitment that having a special needs child could bring. I was scared of the lifelong grief that I would suffer if you didn’t survive very long. I was scared of your physical appearance. I was so scared of so many silly things. If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself not to be afraid, to enjoy every second, and give fear no place in my heart.

The moment I saw your face, your tiny clenched hands, your rosebud lips, your head full of hair, I knew that I would love you and honor you until my last breath. As the days passed, my fears fell away one by one – except for the fear that we would have to say goodbye. That was my deepest fear.

You were the sweetest baby that I ever knew. I will miss our nights of snuggling on the couch together, watching Friends, checking Facebook, texting Nana pictures of you and your crazy hair. I will miss your big dark eyes following my face, the little cooing sounds that you were just starting to make. I will miss slipping my finger into your chubby little fist. I will miss sharing your growth, your face, with all of my friends and family.

Mommy and Daddy promise to honor your memory. You have taught us to be kinder, more forgiving, more loving, and to give more love to others. Mommy promises you that because you lived, I will be a better person. Every day, I will look for ways to give back to others, because so many have given to us. Your life will be honored as long as we and all who loved you live. We love you to the moon and back, James.

-Love Mommy and Daddy


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