Thankful

Things that I am thankful for today:

I am grateful that I live in a stable, first world country. Despite the political shenanigans of late, I still live in a great country, I don’t worry about bombs being dropped on my home, and I have clean water and food every day in abundance.

I am grateful that I have a husband who is 100% supportive, calm in the face of uncertainty, and who loves his children unconditionally. Who, despite all of the hardship and stress and pain and fear, loves his little boy to the moon and back and reads him books (James has already read The Hobbit, Dead Wake, and is now working on the Lord of the Rings trilogy) and snuggles him.

I am grateful that I was able to get a degree, hold a job, save money, and that we were able to move to Asheville almost 3 years ago. The proximity to our families and to Mission Hospital’s NICU has been a lifesaver in the past 3 weeks.

I am grateful for modern medicine. It has helped me deal with my severe post-partum anxiety/panic/depression. It saved my son’s life. It helped us bring him into this world safely and gave us time to hold and love him. It helps us support him in the way that he should be supported and will let us intervene on his behalf when/if that time comes.

I am grateful for my family and friends. They have shown enormous support for us in these trying first days and weeks. Without my mom, my in-laws, and my friends, we would be floundering hopelessly. With them, we have been buoyed up on a wave of love.

I am thankful for our Meal Train and our incredibly well-stocked freezer. I thought we had a delivery scheduled for tonight, then belatedly (530pm) realized it was for tomorrow night. Because of generous friends, I was able to procure a meal from the freezer in 20 minutes, and it tasted quite good.

I am grateful for the special NICU team, the PACT team, and the OR team that took care of us in the hours before and after James was born. I am grateful for the NICU nurses who clearly love what they do and care for their tiny patients with such tenderness. I am grateful for the doctors that supported us through the end of my pregnancy and when I requested a c-section to give him the best chance possible, unhesitatingly did it. I am grateful for the OR nurses and nurse anesthetist that calmed my fears before and during surgery.

Most of all, I am thankful that James is here with us – for how ever long that may be. I am still struggling but I am working on remembering to focus on one day at a time, one foot in front of the other at a time, one sweet memory at a time. The rest will come when it comes.