My smartphone isn’t smart enough to extrapolate yet what I am going through. That empathy iOS upgrade hasn’t happened yet. My iPhone has a page that shows top headlines. Today was blaring at me while I sat in the OBs office, waiting on my first appointment since we received the diagnosis. I was just innocently sitting there, chatting with a friend, trying to ignore the welling emotion within that was threatening to swamp me when I saw the headline, “Sorority Girl Sentenced to Life in Prison for Killing Baby.”
A normal, balanced person wouldn’t have read the article and all the horrible details, but I did. I don’t seem to be able to look away these days.
This woman drank, did drugs, took black cohosh to induce miscarriage, and generally tried every other method besides an actual abortion, to get rid of her child. When the little girl was born alive at the sorority house, she put her in a trash bag and set her on the curb. She texted the man that she thought was the father and told him “no more baby” and it was “taken care of.”
Meanwhile, I have done everything in my power to protect this life growing inside me. I joined the gym to help with the gestational diabetes, I’ve switched to a daytime schedule to help with my blood sugar control and circadian rhythms, I take my prenatal vitamins, I rest, I try to eat well and sleep enough.
And this – dare I use the word human – disposes of her baby like she’s a piece of garbage.
My husband and I are living each minute of our day in suspended animation, a constant low-grade hell, waiting to see if our baby makes it to delivery, and then what happens beyond, hoping with every fiber of our beings that we get to meet him, and elsewhere, a woman tosses her baby into a garbage bag.
My mind can’t even wrap itself around this.
Even if she didn’t want it – don’t all states allow mothers or fathers to drop a baby at a firehouse or police station and relinquish the child? Aren’t there families everywhere that would love to adopt an unwanted baby?
We all know that life isn’t fair, so I won’t state the obvious here, but today, my heart hurt for my baby, but also for this precious, healthy little girl that was discarded.