I am discovering in my 72 hours since diagnosis day that I do better in the morning and worse at night. Maybe it’s because when I first wake up, baby James is very active and wiggly. Maybe that renews hope that might start to fade as the day passes. I also usually have a therapeutic cry first thing in the morning.
I woke up resolute yesterday and made lists, sent emails, did some research, joined some Facebook groups. Until about 7pm, I felt strong and resolute. I was only going to be positive and not focus on the alternative. That feeling held through the day, but as dark settled over the land, my resolve weakened. Doubts and fear crept in. I spent some time on my Trisomy Facebook page. It both helped and hurt.
This morning is similar. I am feeling resolute, hopeful. Focusing on the positive, focusing on the hopeful cases, planning on meeting our son.
I am going to hold to this as long as I can today.
One day at a time. I am going to meet my son regardless of what happens. And I will love him as much, no matter what.